It must take years to get there, and it will probably take more than years, if I keep wanting to get there, but never take the first step to get "there". I need to do something to achieve something, but if I don't start doing that something, I'll never get that something. So who else can I blame but myself?

As the post-WYD euphoria subsides, it seems apparent that all the more I need God's strength to help me fight against the temptations and the negative thoughts. All the more I need to pray and all the more I need to dwell in His light and mercy.

I miss Sydney. I miss the fantastically cold and arid weather. Here in Singapore, I can't walk five steps without melting into a puddle of prespiration. Talk about tak-glamness. In some strange sense I am actually looking forward to World Youth Day 2011 in Madrid, Spain. I have three years to save up and I have three years to learn Spanish. If anything, I'll probably either go by myself or form a smaller group, just to experience what it's like not to attend such events in a big group. In between, that, I'm looking at attending one or two vocation retreats, a couple of silent retreats and the biggie retreat of all retreats, the Ciscercian Retreat in Australia. So I'm saving up for those things too, not forgetting I've about $15000 of loans to clear off. Honestly, it sucks to be lower middle class. There is so much I actually need, but can't afford. This really cannot go on. keeping up with the Joneses is a next to impossible task and if it means that I can't attend social gatherings, and if it means that if I have to pack my lunch and dinner for the next 1095 days then so be it. Let's face it, $280 (my current salary from working on Saturdays) + $1500 (if I do manage to get the scholarship) after CPF deductions and deducting the allowance to mum, fixed costs like topping up the EZ link card, and the amulgamation of three loans in the form of monthly deposits of $900 in total isn't going to leave me very much to save. Well, no worries, I'll think of a way. I'm like a cockroach. I have great tenacity and if all things fail, I'll sell muffins ala those illegal otah sellars along the streets.