This is a completely random post, but I was just thinking about how there is such a thin fine line between zealousness for God and overscrupulosity. How does one draw the balance between doing every thing correctly, perfectly and according to the rulebook and taking a step back to say that hey God doesn't mind a bum note and we shouldn't be too overtly concerned with the rubrics? The Martha/Mary story comes to mind. Martha was in a complete state of fretfulness. She was rushing about - tidying, cooking, trying to make her home as hospitable as possible. Mary on the other hand just sat by the Lord and gave Him her fullest attention. The moral of the Martha/Mary story is that we often let ourselves get entangled in the web of the nitty-gritties and we often forget who it is or for what purpose we do things. I admit that I am very much like a Martha in this aspect and should work for stillness. To be like a Mary and just sit by the Lord - giving Him my fullest attention. Although that is extremely hard work and I willingly let myself be swept away by the voices of the world which may seem more attractive than the voice of the Lord sometimes.

There are quite a number of things that call for my attention - my recent health, worries about paying off the academic loans when payments are called for next year, worries that my MA modules may clash with the speech and drama course, worries about my mum and my sister, taking on the role of an assistant conductor in Ephrem... there are simply too many things which crowd my mind. Sometimes, jealousy and envy play mind games with me as well and I end the day feeling exhausted. I think the hyper-kinetic energy I exude when I am with people is simply a facade. I am very much a human being - torn, vulnerable and alone.