I feel upset and disturbed that I could not concentrate and worship at all at the Acension sunset Mass. As hard as I tried, I was terribly irritated and needled by how out-of-tune and jarring the choir was, how the lectors were reading badly and how the wardens weren't ministering the way they should.

The Mass is meant to be a beautiful thing, in which the people upon experiencing and praying the Mass experience sublimably the awesome beauty and reassuring presence of God. The celebration of the liturgy of the Mass is an aesthetic experience that is meant to draw people closer to God, imparting almost a taste of heaven. If the readers say extraneous things or repeat certain words unnecessarily like, "The first reading is a reading from the book of Genesis." It becomes non-aesthetic. When the choir sings badly, it fails to lead the congregation to worship and it becomes non-aesthetic. When the wardens don't smile as they usher in the congregation, it becomes non-aesthetic. When certain parts of the mass that are meant to be intoned or sung are sung badly or not sung at all, it becomes non-aesthetic. When the priest rushes through the important parts like the epiclesis and the Eucharistic prayer, it becomes non-aesthetic. There is a reason why councils upon councils have been convened to decide the order of the Missal and the procedures by how the Mass should and can be celebrated. While the baroque elements from the Franco-Grecco modifications no longer exist in their medieval flamboyance, and they shouldn't because they distract from the true essence of the Mass, at least they elevated the Mass to the status of art - Art that is meant to evoke a response and art that is meant to convey to the illiterate, the true meaning and beauty of the Mass. We are no longer illiterate, needing visual metaphors such as ministers dressed as angels singing the Regina Coeli, but we are still captured, awed and moved by the aesthetics of beauty. How can the people know the awesome and majestic presence of God if the means by which God is experienced are dour, tired, faded and jaded?

Having said that, most importantly, worship has to be made relevant to a congregation that is atuned to the processes of globalisation, the inter-mixing of genres and cultures and the continual influx of new processes and technologies. This means that besides being aesthetically pleasing, the Mass or the Church has to learn new languages in order to make its worship and its faith relevant. For instance before the sixties, the Mass was sung in Gregorian chant. While the chant imparts a solemn austere beauty, the people of today can no longer relate to that kind of music. It has become passe, boring even and people no longer understand the meaning of Latin. Thus the church has to embrace new forms of music, even learning from her Protestant brothers and sisters by the use of contemporary instrumentation and music. There are definitely ways to go about this while staying on track with liturgical requirements, by checking the lyrics of the songs for example. Looking at the history of Church music, with the acceptance of the vernacular, it is undeniable that the Church first drew inspiration from the Anglican Church and the Gospel Churches. Hymns that many people mistake to be Catholic are in fact Anglican or Methodist in origin. Crown Him With Many Crowns for example is Anglican while Amazing Grace is Methodist. The Church has to learn to work with the new technologies that abound, for example switching to Powerpoint and saving the trees and the Church has to be aesthetically relevant to its time. Look at the Churches in Europe. They are very beautiful monuments but they are but empty museum pieces, for the faith it preaches or the way the faith is taught and made manifest, no longer appeals to modern sensibilities. These are questions worth pondering upon.

To a person whom I shall not name because you are simply not worth naming,

I can understand when sometimes things get too busy and you don't reply your smses or your calls, but to do it all the time? Honestly, I am peeved and I find it extremely rude for people not to reply even if the reply be late. I feel as if I am being ignored on purpose. Ultimately it boils down to basic courtesy, or if it has to come to that, how much you value your relationship with someone else. When someone asks a question, you answer. When someone says "hi" you return the greeting. You don't just ignore the person and pretend the message will go away. You know, the excuse about, "oh the network must have been jammed." Surely doesn't hold all the time. If so, change your blinking service provider. I don't see you saying something like that to your boss or your other half. Gee... It's like, "oh it's Brian smsing again, though it has been ages since he last smsed. Let's just not reply. He's not worth replying to." I can tolerate occasional tardiness, but let's just say the world doesn't revolve around you and once too many times, is too many times tolerated. I hope you have a happy life.

WWF

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There was once an orge who lived in the heart of the mountains. While it was cold and chilly, he had a most amazing garden, from which bloomed thousands and thousands of flowers, fruit trees and shrubs. In the middle of his garden, his most prized possession bloomed - a rose that was beautiful and mystical beyond compare. In the Spring the rose glowed like amethyst, while in Summer, it radiated a mother-of-pearl sheen. In Autumn, it blazed with the hues of Fall and in Winter it glistened like crystal. It was a wonderment to behold and anyone who stopped to look at it, would weep in awe of it.

One blustery windy day, when the North Wind had a cold and was sneezing his life away, the orge had a visitor. Opening the door to his castle, the orge came face to face with a person of immense beauty. He was immediately enthralled and invited her to be his guest. Unknown to the orge, she was in fact an enchantress, who having heard of his famed rose, decided to disguise herself and steal the rose. There was however one catch. The rose could only be touched by one who had the purest of heart, but if its owner became poisoned with envy and jealousy, the rose too would become black with the clouding of its owner's heart and its powers could be unleashed and used by evil. Knowing the secret of the rose, the enchantress had come up with a plan to poison the orge's innocent heart.

She told him tales of glory, great wealth, of handsome princes across the border, but none of these stirred the depths of the orge's heart. Then one day, as the enchantress lay in his lap, she spun a tale of a most beautiful rose, which sparkled like diamonds in the day and shimmered like gold in the night. That night. the orge was filled with a terrible longing to possess that rose. His envy grew and jealously like an azure serpent slowly wound itself around the orge's heart before fatally wounding him with a poisonous bite. As his once pure heart became cold as stone, so did his brilliant rose turn black as the night. When his beating heart stopped, he froze to become part of the mountain scape. Laughing a malicious laugh, the enchantress threw off her disguise and grabbing the rose from his garden fled into the dusk. In her glee, she tripped over an angelica root and was flung into the depths of a yawning craven where she was never heard of again.

With the orge's death, the once joyful forests grew silent, the flowers withered away, the birds stopped their singing and an eternal gloom and winter came to reign over the land. Today, the land lies covered in a perpetual blanket of frost and awaits the day when a tear from a sinless soul would cleanse the land and break the curse of that enchantress' folly. Until then. the land awaits in silence.

Every finger, fibre, nerve, cell within me is simply itching to bake. Macarons, Cupcakes, Chocolate Chunk Cookies, christened Brian's Biscuits by Dr. L. G-o-t t-o r-e-s-i-s-t... until the examinations are over. There are so many baking goodies I want to work on - a couple of macaron flavours such as Salted Caramel, Matcha and Passionfruit and I want to work on my piping too. After short circuiting my Mum's weighing digital weighing scales and wrecking the analog one by accidentally hitting it on the floor (as I have recounted on my foodie blog), I will definitely have to put off making the macarons until I can get those replaced - even the sugar thermometer and the silpats can wait. The scales can't because the very success of macarons hinges on the exact weight of the ingredients used. Yes, macarons are finicky things. The meringue has to be whipped just so and folded into the dry ingredients just so. One too less and you don't get satiny billowy clouds. One too much and you get a deflated marshmallow type goo.

I also want to get the bake sale thing going, but once again, that will have to wait until after the examinations and that would also mean that I would need the help of my very professional and good photographer friends to make presentable the baked goods so that I will actually get orders. To say that the ordering department is a little dismal currently, is but an understatement. I wonder if people actually read the food blog and if they do, I wonder if they are not already turned off by the grainy pics and ugly pics courtesy of my lousy phone camera - the one and only camera I have. Oh! Oh! Oh! Having being inspired by a magazine I was flipping through, I also want to have a tea party featuring cucumber sandwiches and baked stuff, ala Mad Hatterisque. I envision a bake-exchange thingy where people bring their favourite baked goodies and we sit around the table or picnic mat just savouring the thingamagigs. Anyone interested in something like this???

I realised I haven't been blogging about happy things of late. It's the cortisol speaking I tell you - examinations begin in a week's time and honestly I don't feel very prepared for it, but I guess whatever comes comes.

The Theatre Studies Honours cohort 07/08 had a pre-exam party otherwise known as the "leaving/vacating the honours room party" yesterday and being students of theatre studies, we simply had to have a theme, so Nerdy Neurosis it was and Calbee won the best dressed award hands down with suspenders, berms and high socks. Yahui won for the best prop - her nerdy glasses. Well, as for me, I gelled my hair the other way, wore my pants to my chest, wore a tie and wore sneakers with white socks against black pants. It will be a long long long long long time before I ever dress in such a fashion ever again. You have no idea how many people were giggling at me in the mrt station. It was so nice to have all of us in the TSPS, with some lecturers, eating pizza and grapes and it felt really good for Dr. L was making us laugh so hard. I have not laughed so hard in such a long time. It funny what a difference a year makes. The honours room has become such a cosy and comfortable place to run to between lessons, to take a nap or to just find rest. It has seen some serious conversations, tears, frantic ranting, panicking and many lighthearted moments as well. I just can't bear the thought of not seeing familiar faces there anymore, but as all things it has and will come to pass. I am just happy for the memories and hopefully, as people start working and all, we will still meet up some time.

Oh some intriguing news... the talent agency called up. Apparently the time has come to renew my portfolio. I just wish they didn't have such bad timing - and they always call at the wrong time... If I was plus size the last time round, I'm unfortunately plus-plus-plus-plus size now. (-_-)'''

Commencement Ceremonies: 9 July 2008 (Wednesday)	10 am	Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences
9 July 2008 (Wednesday)	3 pm	Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences
9 July 2008 (Wednesday)	8 pm	Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences
10 July 2008 (Thursday)	10 am	Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences

Now let's see, the flight for WYD leaves at 7am on the 9th of July 2008. So given the time lag, I guess I will be celebrating my commencement with a glass of champagne on SQ... Probably as the plane flies over the Sydney Opera house..

My mum's not going to be happy about this...

So the pink slip has arrived. It works out to be about three thousand... no biggie... it's just three thousand right? Nonetheless it comes at a terrible time. It comes at a time when I have yet to graduate, it comes at a time when I am at a crossroads deciding whether I should carry on with my masters, it comes at a time when I am contemplating whether the six months of no pay before I start my masters is worth it, it comes at a time when I am wondering if it is best for me get a job maybe at SIA or something. It makes me wonder whether I should be spending my money away at World Youth Day.

You know my mum actually took up an education insurance plan when I was born. It was to have come into maturity when I turned 21 and it would have been worth at least $25000. Enough at least to pay off my university education with some excess left for my sister before she started her poly/jc life. Of course as things would have it, it had to be used to pay off an irresponsible bugger's debts. The old house that we lived in, of which was already ours because all the payments were already paid, had to be sold too, because that selfish asshole simply didn't change his ways. And NOW, you are telling me that my present house might be confiscated because you didn't pay your monthly dues? Hello? Already mum is taking up the bulk of your payments. All you needed to do was to pay $250 a month. Already Mum's taking up 75% of the payment. These things should have been under your jurisdiction. Please... HDB has offered you a job, but no... you simply had to refuse to take it. It's all bullshit really. Please stop crapping. You are a sorry pathetic ass and the sight of you disgusts me. It disgusts me entirely and utterly to the core.

My CD/dvd drive has officially spluttered and died, leaving me with a laptop that cannot burn or read any cds. This comes at a bad time when two of my modules require that I watch films, many films, for their essays and exams. This is highly irritating and yes, I am peeved. I am just glad that the drive managed to hold on until I had shown the film dvd I did as part of my post-mod performance, but I think that effort it took to stay alive and to read the disc, killed the disc-drive once and for all. I am hoping that the laptop will at least stay allive until I have completed my essays and until the examinations are over.

SK, I am so happy for you!!!

To all of you who have completed your HTs/ ISms, Kudos and keep the fire burning.
To all, who are still at those thingies, *hugs* You are almost there. Just this final bit more to do.

To P., L., Ephrem, the CSS, the CAC peeps, the Top Girls, the TS Honours cohort 07/08, Ven, Mum and every angel who has made such a profound impact in my life. Thank you.

Drinking two cups of green tea before my bedtime was a terrible mistake. Now I am wide awake and I am supposed to be in school by 9am for a test later. Scientific and engineering concepts don't sit very well with me. There is a reason why I am an Arts students. The wiring and the neurons are somehow wired up differently.

These past few days have been intensely stressful for all of us rushing to finish our theses and isms but I am glad that it is all finally over and we can at least take a breather before we start on the remaining essays and finally on our examination revision. Though I hope my thesis does actually make sense, seeing the last two chapters were not at all looked at by my supervisor. Four exams this semester - starting on the first day and ending on the 5th of May. Like I said I will only be getting my life back after the exams... and that is when all the fun will start. Weekday work at JG (if Su gives me work), a couple or more bakesales selling cookies, cupcakes and now I can add macarons to the repertoire too, games planning for FOC...

It's my final semester as an undergraduate after all, and it really does seem like yesterday when I first entered the university. As I have mentioned earlier, I am in a kind of a conundrum regarding my future. You will not believe the number of enthusiastic, "Oh when are you starting work?"s from my relatives I have received recently. Everyone is just dying for me to start working, paying my loans and providing for my family. How do you even begin to explain that doing a Masters is more of a financial investment for the future, when everyone's first reaction is, "oh Theatre Studies. Do Masters for what?" To the naysayers, you have absolutely no right to dictate whether I should continue my academic life or not. Why restrict me when your own children are encouraged to go further? It reeks of a certain kind of arrogance and a certain hypocrisy doesn't it? Am I not good enough for you?

Brian has officially finished typing his thesis. Hoo Yah! Now all that is left is to bind two copies, create a CD rom of thesis, photocopy appendix and attach it to copies of thesis...

One thesis down, one test, and two essays more to go before exams hit.

And yes, Brian is ecstatic because he has succeeded in making macarons.

Looking back it was the best decision you could have made at that time... but what if that decision was a mistake. A miscalculation and an over complacency on your part? What if you suddenly realise that you do not have the means to see that initial thought through?

The West Wing was an interesting experiment in interculturalism and postmodernism I must say. Kudos to the cast and crew for managing to pull off such a demanding stunt. Highly ambitious, it strove to create a fusion of Chinese opera done in English with tunes sung to English pop music and surprisingly, it was, in some degree rather entertaining, though I found the translations a tad irritating. Nonetheless, it was spectacular in every sense of the word. Loved the Brecthian elements of the set movement and changes done like an opera movement, bu then again it should come as no surprise for Brecht himself was first inspired by Mei Lan Fang's rendition of Chinese Opera.

It rather inspires me to take up a martial art, like wu shu or capoeria (is this spelt correctly???) but then again I am always inspired to take up a martial art, but getting down to it is a different thing altogether. In some sense, I pity the Theatre Studies year two people who were doing Asian Theatre though, for given the time investment, they still have to do another play production in year three. Kudos! Keep the fire burning!

Anyhow, I am always glad for these moments to meet up, dress up and be in the company of friends, though all of us have tonnes of work to do... heh... one week to thesis being due and still no chapter two and three...

They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery, but surely there are limits to mimicry? What if someone decides to take your identity and parades it as if it her his or her own? I speak this from experience. It is a very strange surreal feeling to see your own photograph or a whole host of your photographs popping up in someone else's facebook profile and that mimicry doesn't stop there. You see that Stranger or Person X has the same name as you and has taken pains to craft a profile that is similar to yours, though certain details such as a height of 184cm, give clues that this person isn't exactly you. This takes the meaning of a postmodern identity where there no longer exists an original, but all there is left are copies of the original, to a whole new level. Scary isn't it? I have heard of people taking pictures that don't belong to them for their own use, but photographs of you, to be used as you? Now this is getting a little ridiculous. April Fool's ended on the first of April. Thank you very much.

I have been feeling terribly out of sorts these days. Am not even blogging much, for there seems to be nothing to write about. My health has definitely taken a tumble after I stopped running - the aches and pains everywhere in my body proclaim my age. Migraine after migraine. I used to be able to curb a migraine with one Panadol extra, but now it takes two. Stomach as always isn't too good either. I am waiting to see which will claim my life first -a stroke or a tumour. Even my hair hurts. Yes you heard that right. My hair hurts - probably a graze on my scalp, though I have no idea how I might gotten it. Careless me gets so many knocks, nicks, cuts and bruises on the elbows and knees without even realising it.

Okay. That's enough. I need to snap out of this. What are I doing with my life? What do I really want?

Please pray for Gerri who had a tumble and injured her ankle.