I have come to the realisation that God has just gifted me with the gift of time. I have been complaining that I did not have time to do anything. There was no time to bake, no time to vegetate and grow tendrils on the beach, no time to exercise, no time at all when I was rushing assignments and the dreaded thesis. Now upon graduation and between waiting for the masters to start, I have all the time in the world! Six months to be exact. Six months beginning tomorrow!!!

I have also come to the realisation that I can either 1. Waste the time away 2. Use the time to the fullest.

It is obvious which choice I would rather take, although Sloth is definitely not going to let me have an easy time. There is also the problem with money... I can't exactly do what I want to do if I don't have money now can I? I guess, I'll take each day as it comes. It's time to take long strolls along the beach again, time to bask in the salty aroma of the sea breeze. It's time to start swimming again, even if it means I'll be like a beached whale flopping about. It's time for picnics in the park and it's time to go for more daily Masses and to spend more time with God.

Well, registration is now open for workout/swimming/picnic buddies!!! Help me beat Sloth to a bloody pulp!!!


Ecclesiastes 3:1-13

¹ There is a season for everything, a time for every occupation under heaven:

² A time for giving birth, a time for dying; a time for planting, a time for uprooting what has been planted.

³ A time for killing, a time for healing; a time for knocking down, a time for building.

⁴ A time for tears, a time for laughter; a time for mourning, a time for dancing.

⁵ A time for throwing stones away, a time for gathering them; a time for embracing, a time to refrain from embracing.

⁶ A time for searching, a time for losing; a time for keeping, a time for discarding.

⁷ A time for tearing, a time for sewing; a time for keeping silent, a time for speaking.

⁸ A time for loving, a time for hating; a time for war, a time for peace.

⁹ What do people gain from the efforts they make?

¹⁰ I contemplate the task that God gives humanity to labour at.

¹¹ All that he does is apt for its time; but although he has given us an awareness of the passage of time, we can grasp neither the beginning nor the end of what God does.

¹² I know there is no happiness for a human being except in pleasure and enjoyment through life.

¹³ And when we eat and drink and find happiness in all our achievements, this is a gift from God.

I have a grouse to pick with delievery people. It's either you spend the WHOLE day waiting for them and they don't arrive, or when they do, they deliever the WRONG thing. I am extremely peeved with emart. For one, I ordered army camouflage pants in LARGE, but guess what they sent? They sent three pants in size S. I can so obviously wear a size S - on my head probably, or maybe just around one leg.

I am currently stuck in a rut. Not only do I need a temporary weekday job that will at least see me until January next year, I am stuck in a kind of workout inertia. Having been sent a letter that my remedial training will commence in October if I fail to pass my IPPT again, there is a need to get my ass moving, but I haven't and that's not a good thing.

I have also noticed that the many things I want to do are monetarily linked - driving, adult keyboard lessons, Spanish lessons... These things cost money and I can't do any of them with only $280 a month when piority goes to transportation and food. That's why I want to get this bakesale thing going, but as I have noticed, there is only so much cake you can sell your friends and family. The only way of making sure this cupcake thingy sells is if I can get external people to buy it. Orders for birthdays, weddings... the problem with Singaporeans is that they don't understand why it is necessary to maintain at least a $3 price tag on my cupcakes and a $25 -$30 price tag on my cookies. The things I bake are not the cheap rip-offs many other online shops and local bakeries do. When it comes to baking, you can be ensured that the ingredients I use are of the finest quality so there is absolutely no compromise with regard to taste. People don't get that.

It must take years to get there, and it will probably take more than years, if I keep wanting to get there, but never take the first step to get "there". I need to do something to achieve something, but if I don't start doing that something, I'll never get that something. So who else can I blame but myself?

As the post-WYD euphoria subsides, it seems apparent that all the more I need God's strength to help me fight against the temptations and the negative thoughts. All the more I need to pray and all the more I need to dwell in His light and mercy.

I miss Sydney. I miss the fantastically cold and arid weather. Here in Singapore, I can't walk five steps without melting into a puddle of prespiration. Talk about tak-glamness. In some strange sense I am actually looking forward to World Youth Day 2011 in Madrid, Spain. I have three years to save up and I have three years to learn Spanish. If anything, I'll probably either go by myself or form a smaller group, just to experience what it's like not to attend such events in a big group. In between, that, I'm looking at attending one or two vocation retreats, a couple of silent retreats and the biggie retreat of all retreats, the Ciscercian Retreat in Australia. So I'm saving up for those things too, not forgetting I've about $15000 of loans to clear off. Honestly, it sucks to be lower middle class. There is so much I actually need, but can't afford. This really cannot go on. keeping up with the Joneses is a next to impossible task and if it means that I can't attend social gatherings, and if it means that if I have to pack my lunch and dinner for the next 1095 days then so be it. Let's face it, $280 (my current salary from working on Saturdays) + $1500 (if I do manage to get the scholarship) after CPF deductions and deducting the allowance to mum, fixed costs like topping up the EZ link card, and the amulgamation of three loans in the form of monthly deposits of $900 in total isn't going to leave me very much to save. Well, no worries, I'll think of a way. I'm like a cockroach. I have great tenacity and if all things fail, I'll sell muffins ala those illegal otah sellars along the streets.

After all the frentic running around, World Youth Day has come to a close. I am tired, but feeling fulfilled and God has shown His presence in so many ways. For example, while the weather forecast predicted rain the entire week of World Youth Day, it only rained after the final Mass was celebrated by the pope.

I come away from World Youth Day with two revelations: the first, while we were pilgrims seeking for an answer, or a sign, it might not necessary be us who will receive an answer. We might be the ones providing an answer and this was very true at the CASS retreat before World Youth Day, where the presence of the Singaporeans (the CSS people) provided a bridge of translation between the Taiwanese and Australian contingents. Fr. Val also said something that hit me - we go around seeking signs, and we forget that God has already shown himself to us and is present, waiting for us in the Eucharist.

The second revelation I had, came when I was looking around and walking around at the place for the final Mass, where thousands of pilgrims from hundreds of countries had come together for an overnight virgil to await the Final Mass at Randwick. We were all cold and sprawled all over the place in our sleeping bags. Initially, the first thought that hit me was "why in the world were we doing this to ourselves?" then it hit me that this was a JESUS experience. What we were doing, braving the cold, sleeping in the open, eating nothing but tim tams and tuna, yet coming together to pray, was exactly what Jesus and his disciples were doing 2000 + years ago as they preached and went from town to town. "The Son of Man has no place to rest his head.." We were given a glimpse into the Eternal Now of God, where the Church of the past, conflated with the Church of the present and we became literally one Universal Church that was in communion with the Saints already in heaven.

Of course there were so many other God experiences- the halo around the moon, the circular rainbow around the sun the next day, the God moment I had during Eucharistic adoration at the CASS retreat, the moment when the Pope was standing in the middle of the stage at the exact moment when the sun was rising and the moon setting and they formed a straight line across each other... I thank God for all the experiences we bring away with and for all the prayer warriors who were constantly keeping us in their prayers. Thank you and Praise Be to God!

There is a great sense of excitment as I prepare to leave for World Youth Day 2008. Excitment as I know this time-away will be a life changing experience, excitment because this is a gathering of Catholic youths from everywhere in the world. I am so excited I am bursting at the seams.

Of course, that is not to say that I don't have any worries about it. I keep having the feeling that I forgot something, but I guess it's not too big a deal. Nothing Target or Walmart can't solve. Besides, going to Australia without gloves or a beanie, I think I'll be fine. I should be able to survive with A$170 for two weeks I guess. The exchange rate is crazy. S$225 got me a mere A$170. Oh well.

The recurring Word that has come to me the past few days, has been not to worry. God will provide and He will be right there at my side. There is after all so much I can fret about. It is indeed time to let go and let God.